Thursday, March 15, 2012

Israeli Drones Have Missions Reprogrammed

Blatantly stolen and adapted from here:

Drone visiting Gazan families on condolence mission

Arab residents of Gaza who have lost family in recent IDF military activity in response to the liberating activity of Hamas and the Islamic Jihad are to be visited by a Eitan-type Heron TP, UAV drone specially programmed to comfort the bereaved.

The drone usually used for surveillance and targeted killings has been switched, as a result of vociferous far-left protests including a hunger strike by Peace Now general-secretary Sieve Upfenheimer (which was found out to be an advanced diet program) to a back-up American-based "Winning Hearts & Minds Operation". With this newly altered system, it is going house-to-house to provide emotional support and tea.

Jabalya resident Ahmed Falaywi said: "The nieghborhood has been on the edge of a blade of nervous tension. When I heard the knock at my door my son had his AK-47 ready to fire. But when my eyes met its multi-spectral targeting system and it mechanically intoned 'I am sorry for your loss of family, friend or member of your religious community,' I felt a sincerity I had never felt from any Jew before.

"We took tea, it put the span of its titanium wing on my shoulder and told me how deeply it empathised with my pain. I am proud to call this Heron my brother."

The drone is programmed to offer sympathy to all civilians who have reported the loss of a family member, or limb, to the IDF, and has more than 3,000 stock phrases of consolation including 'There, there', 'Life goes on,' and 'You will be reunited, inshallah, in paradise'.

Operation Total Civilian Commiseration has been rated a success, with only one minor copmputer foul-up when the drone misidentified some sheep near Rafiah as members of an Al-Kuds unit and took out them and the surrounding farm with an air-to-surface Hellfire missile.

Sheikh Unseen Udrupt downplayed the error: "A simple mistake, and not even up there in our top 10 friendly fire incidents. I have always preached death to the West but this gentle, caring Predator has made me think again."


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The U.S. to bomb Syria. Leon went before the Congress and basically formated his plan for bombing Syria. They have cut some deal with Russia. Probably gave them the drilling rights to Antartica. He said he can do it on his own accord without congressional approval. Ymedad, remember what Syria said, "if attacked by the U.S. or NATO they will respond with an attack against Israel." Don't let these sneaky actions bite the common folk in the rear. Warn them immediately. I hope you have a bomb shelter for you and your family. I hope I'm wrong but in the event I'm not misreading these signals... Israel and its people are in imminent danger.