Arutz 7 Goes Purim

Arutz 7 has a Purim Issue out.

Contents:

Purim Satire News Headlines:
1. Sharon Wakes From Coma – Declares He Is a Changed Man
2. Mahmud Hamandinjad House Gets Nuked, All Within Die
3. Jews "Get It", America Faces Nationwide Bankruptcy
4. Marzelchai Refuses to Bow
5. Gov´t Begs Arutz-7: Please Resume Broadcasting
6. ´Save the Kinneret´ Purim Drive Raises Water Level Muchly
7. Concern in Israeli Police: Can´t Find Good Truncheons Anywhere
8. Ahashverosh ruled over 127 Medinas, here are most of them...


One section:

Concern in Israeli Police: Can´t Find Good Truncheons Anywhere

By Yehezkel Laing (Bin Nun)

There is growing disappointment in the Israeli Police Department over the quality of their truncheons.

The problem came to a head last month during the dispersal of protestors at Amona when under the strain of battle, many police batons simply broke.

"Mine broke over the head of a youth," says one angry officer. "After only five minutes of beating him it split in two! Can you believe that! I think the quality has gone way down.'

Another officer agreed and said the clubs should be made out of harder material. "When I hit a settler I want to know that he is going down for good," said one officer, on condition of anonymity. "One guy I hit got up three times before I finally knocked him out."

The French manufacturer who makes the equipment guarantees the truncheons for three years. But the company claims that the police used the truncheons improperly and specified that they should not be used on hard materials like walls.

"That is just a lie", countered another officer. "I was hitting an elderly women who was frail and soft and still it broke! It's gotten to the point where you cant trust anyone nowadays."

But a senior officer was more hesitant, saying "It's true that sometimes the officers hit the ground or rocks when they miss. These religious youth are very wily and are hard to catch and pin down. If only they would hold still longer while we beat them, we would have less problems."

"The kipot [yarmulkes] make their heads slippery", lamented another officer.