How to Sell the Book: The Bible

From Amazon:-

Please read my book, but don't take it too literally - some of my co-authors were a little too zealous and I'm not sure it all came out right in translation. If you want the short version, here it is: Be nice to each other, would you? It was a hellish job creating the world and all that, and I'd be most pleased if you didn't all mess it up. As you were. Love, God.

I was recommended this book by a friend of mine (who told me it would help me find someone that she was also looking for?), and imagine my surprise when I found a copy that someone had left behind in my hotel room!

The book, lengthy and difficult to read, is set in a fantasy world where 'God' creates his own world and then procedes to bully all his creations, apart from his favourite ones. He has a huge temper and kills almost everyone quite a few times - especially gay people and those of different religions to his.

The first chapter makes absolutely no sense whatsoever (how did he make all that stuff before turning the lights on?), and quickly dissolves into an obscene tirade of homophobia, rape, racial stereo-typing, mass muder, anti-abortion, ethnic cleansing, sadomasochistic, genocidal filth.

Considering the fact that the central character, God, wrote this trash, it comes as a shock to find that he depicts himself as a bully, a murderer and an egotistical maniac, with a singular egocentric philosophy along the lines of 'Bow down before me, or die'.

The first third of the book concerns a lot of drug taking ("I give you all the seed-bearing plants on this earth"), intertwined with some lurid trips (burning pillars of salt?) and some heavy sex and rape scenes. The world almost ends a couple of times, and a few plagues threaten to wipe out the entire globe just because one person said the wrong thing to God.

About half way through the book God has a son around Christmas time (though this part wasn't explained very well) by having sex with a girl named Mary (who is actually married - but the husband doesn't seem to mind). This son is such a dickhead that he only has 12 friends, and by the end of his short life he gets tortured to death.

The penultimate chapter is all about the coming of the end of the world. You get the feeling that the author has just seen that ben Aflek movie about that meteor one or two many times. There's even a controversial take on the 9/11 conspiracy talking about "pillars of fire falling from the sky".

Surprisinlgy there isn't really an ending to speak of - leaving the reader somewhat confused and disappointed. (That is, if you ever get to the end). In fact, this book is so confusing there are global wars going on right now simply because people don't have a clue what it means.

Overall this book does for literature what straight-to-video releases did to cinema.

I read this book a few months ago and came away slightly disappointed. It seems to get a lot of praise amongst certain folk and institutions, however, I can not agree with their love for the book. It's divided into two main sections: the Old Testament and the New Testament, with both sections further sub-divided into many different chapters. The first section (Old Testament) follows the creation of existence, introduction of human, animals, plants etc, and the punishment of humans by the lead protagonist (God). The God character seems to have been oddly portrayed; especially considering the vast amount of praise people seem to give him. He comes across as a egotistical psychopath, who's obsessed with maintaining his own glory at the expense of the humans he 'created'. Whilst this theme is interesting to start with (the destruction of the 7 tribes part particularly fun), it soon becomes dull.

The second section follows a different theme, with its centre storyline follow a character named Jesus Christ. He seems to change much of the original message to something more moral, i.e. less genocide. However, just as he is getting interesting, the character is killed off, only to be 'resurrected' later. All in all the book is a difficult read, should not be taken too heavily, and not one for the kids. It got the two stars for its entertaining introduction and conclusion, and its unique style of writing. However, there are plenty of other books out there that answer similar questions, notably the Outsider by Albert Camus and The Blind Watchmaker by Richard Dawkins.

As a book 'The Bible' starts well, but you soon find yourself bogged down in the backstory and unable to grasp everything before you end up launched into the main plot almost half way through the novel.

As the main storyline goes there's not much to distinguish 'The Bible' from many other mainstream works of fiction or fantasy, there's betrayal, war, death, birth and lots of moral messages (some of which tend to contradict each other) but it's enjoyable to read. Unfortunately the ending is a little forced and almost seems like the whole 'End of the World' thing was tacked on to make the book sell. That said, however, it does show a good impression of Armageddon, though it does get a bit biblical in places.

I would recommend that younger readers be warned away from this book as, from the way it is written, they may have a tendancy to take it literally. Also there is a lot of sex (or 'Begatting') only a few chapters into the story. Overall the whole thing could use a sequel to tie up all the plot holes and contradictions, but it's still an enjoyable read.

And here is an instance of the wrong way to read this book:-

Dad Who Tried To Sacrifice Boy Gets Probation

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. -- A Tennessee man who tried to strangle his 2-year-old son in what he said was a sacrifice to God has been sentenced to probation requiring mental health treatment.

In a deal with prosecutors, Jason Thorbon, 34, of Knoxville pleaded guilty to attempted second-degree murder in the January 2005 incident in which his wife wrestled their son from his grasp.

Both prosecution and defense expert witnesses agreed Thorbon was legally insane at the time.

Jennifer Thorbon testified that her husband had battled mental illness for years. She said he would become psychotic and start "talking about God and Jesus and religion."