Coren's Satire

Here is the 'Jewish' section of Giles Coren's Times' satire, Today I am make first column in Polski:-

In home speaking private, Coren family is always continue talk only Polski till this day, natural, but is write always English for articles in esteemed organs: Times, Observer, Punch, Putters Weekly etcetera, on account English peoples not very good read Polski...

...So what I am talk is Liberal Democratical Member of Government, David Ward, who is celebrate Holocaust Memorial Day with say: “I am saddened that the Jews, who suffered unbelievable levels of persecution during the Holocaust, could within a few years of liberation from the death camps be inflicting atrocities on Palestinians in the new State of Israel.”

Then is cowardy custard lily liver middle-aged MP make apologetical grovel grovel with say, “Oh, sorry, is not what meant, is mean Israeli government peoples is make bad things with disenfranchised and also some bulldozers. Is not mean ‘Jews’ exact. Is not mean Holocaust is same. Oh dear, is please to forgive and cetera.”

This is not impress Polish mans. Why is Liberal Democratical mans say this? If he not like Jews, say not like Jews. Polish mans is not afraid say is not like Jews.

Is only have look David Ward’s cruel black eyes and hard mouth see he is not like Jews. Is not so bad admit. Nobody in England is love especially Jews. Particularly, from experiences of me, is Liberal Democrats not like Jews. I am sit breakfast with more than one Liberal Democrat politician (as esteemed reader know if reading previous what I write many years), and am many times hear anti-Jew funny funnies from old Liberal Democratical mans before 9am.

Not is vile Holocaust nasty. Is only little bit racist. Is like, “Don’t let Giles smell the bacon or he’ll have to wash” or is: “roast pork for lunch today, Giles, ha ha not really, you can have a bagel!”

Is not great big end of world. I am terrible embarrassed, but who is care? I only Jew. Is better than dig own grave in woods, bang bang dead with genickshusse.

And these mans also is big public anti-Zionists. Is coincidence?

All English left wing is not like Jews. Is like very much black people dancey dancey reggae smoke joints, and Indian people yum yum curry house guilty from colonies. But Jews in other hand, is English leftie not like.  Student campus, example, always big for Palestine cause, which is important and noble cause, but is also nail ha ha bacon rashers on door of Jew for big funny rag week. Well, is happen Oxford. I am not speak for elsewhere.

And when Jewish student young man is not have money for big round drinks, is going everybody his friends “oy veh, Yiddo!” and stroking his noses with the bent finger, and is laugh, ha ha ha, and then is go on march for Palestine. I am sure is coincidence.

In famous Westminster School is teacher make Jewish boy sit in dustbin for big laughs. Is not luckily me. Is other boy weeping, asking why. Is tell by teacher, “Because you’re fat and you’re Jewish, now shut up!”  I am just say. Is perhaps teacher anti-Zionist only. Is make fair political point. I am not know. Incidental, I am share Westminster School with Nicholas Clegg, leader of Liberal Democratical party including MP David Ward. Is perhaps coincidence.

What is confuse Polish mans is why MP David Ward not just say he not like Jews? Why is not just say, “I said this because Jews make me sick, with their hooked noses and their deviated septums, and their circumcised genitals, and their money and their lust for gentile women”?

Why is make mouthy meal apology? In Poland man who not like Jews simple throw them down well with pitchfork still alive, drink vodka, big laugh ha ha, then is fill in concrete and dance on grave. And is not then afterwards say like scaredy cat coward, “I am sorry for the unintended offence.”