Purim Humour: The Fanat in the Hat

Sent to me by RA and found here:

The Fanat in the Hat and Other Stories
Eli D. Clark (with apologies to Dr. Seuss)

I sat there with Sally. We sat on the bus. We sat there together. No one made a fuss.

Then who came aboard? The Fanat in the Hat! And he said to us, How can you sit like that? You know it is wrong To sit next to each other.

I said, She s my sister, And I am her brother. He pointed at Sally, Go back there to sit. If you stay in front, I think I will spit. I do not want to see you Go out or come in. Your elbows are showing And making men sin.

I paid for my seat Just like you, Sally cried. I can sit where I want! It s for me to decide! Where do you think you are? This is not Tel Aviv. The Fanat in the Hat said, Sit in back or you leave.

Now do as I say, You loose woman, you. Then out from behind Came Thug One and Thug Two.They had beards, they had hats, And they wore black and white. Their fingers were curled Into fists that were tight.

They were big, they were mean, And they blocked our way. They did not look like men Who learn Torah all day. They screamed at poor Sally. Prutzoh! they shouted. We will take care of you.

And we did not doubt it.

We looked up to heaven. We looked left and right. Should we try to run Or stand up and fight? We needed a plan, A way to escape, Before those two Thugs Squashed us both like a grape. Then Thug One and Thug Two Shouted,

Oy! Help us please! The Fanat in the Hat Just fell to his knees. What made them shake And what made them yelp? What made those bullies Cry out for help?

We looked and we saw A giant black cat, Walking erect In a red and white hat.The Cat in the Hat Looked the Thugs in the eye. These things need to stop. And I ll tell you why. Scaring young women Is not a good game. Worse, it is causing A Hillul Ha-Shem.

Here is a new game To play, said the cat. The game is called boxing. Are you good at that? The Thugs said, We box. When we finish with you, You will lie on your back For a week or for two. The cat pulled a box out And opened the top. We heard a big voom That made everything stop.

The Fanat in the Hat And the Thugs in their beards Were sucked into the box. They all disappeared.The cat closed the lid And sealed it with glue. Goodbye, said the cat, And good riddance to you. The cat said to us,

You can sit as before. Those three nuts will not Bother you any more. Oh, they will, Sally said, For good or for bad. Those men in your box Are my brothers and Dad.

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