To prevent the possible threat of eye contact, verbal communication and any sort of interaction between the holy men and saintly women of Klal Yisroel, we the undersigned hereby proclaim that 13th Avenue in Boro Park, Brooklyn NY, should have alternate days for men and women, this applies to both pedestrian shoppers and Rachmono Litzlon women drivers.
After extensive discussions with a wide range of both of our followers, we have developed the following schedule which we feel will be amenable to all. To ensure optimal mobility, we hereby designate 14th Avenue as the alternative to be used by the gender that is banned from 13th avenue.
We also hereby permit members of Hatzoloh to use whatever route is needed to expedite them in their holy work, but to respect the nature of our ruling and not use red flashing lights when in proximity of 13th avenue as red lights and sirens may arouse certain desires in our fellow Yidden. If they must use lights and sirens, they should purchase our special "13th Avenue Approved" light & siren kit.
SUNDAY/YOM RISHON: Women
MONDAY/YOM SHEINI: Men
TUESDAY/YOM SHLISHI: Women
WEDNESDAY/YOM REVIE: Men
THURSDAY/YOM CHAMISHI/EREV EREV SHABBOS KOYDESH: WOMEN (except after 11 pm, when men are permitted to visit select establishments to partake in Thursday night cholent and kugel
FRIDAY/YOM SHISHI/EREV SHABBOS KOYDESH: Men
SHABBOS KOYDESH: Men 5:30 am-10:30 am, Women 10:31 am to 12:06 pm, Men 4 pm to Shkiyah
NOTE: Motzei Shabbos Koydesh 13th Avenue is prohibited for all-if you are planning a Melave Malkeh, please call Amnon's or Kosher Delight to arrange for delivery.
We the undersigned strongly urge all members of our holy nation to adhere and respect the above schedule and the meaning behind it. We beseech you not to laugh behind our backs and mutter about how Kol Korehs like this result in simply alienating our people as they don't really address the root of the problem but rather choose to gloss over it with meaningless mindless declarations in the vain hope that it will make them relevant to someone beyond their ever shrinking circle of tunnel-visioned followers.
Rav Getzel Langhoisen
Admor M'Pleytsah
Rav Ginendal Krumkitzel
Yageder Rebbe, Shlita
HaGaon Anshel Bluhteh
Iluy M'Galeh
(Kippah tip: Protexia)
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