The Night and Sexual Relations

I found this extract in a BBC story on the myth of the consecutive 8-hour sleep need:-

A doctor's manual from 16th Century France even advised couples that the best time to conceive was not at the end of a long day's labour but "after the first sleep", when "they have more enjoyment" and "do it better".

Well, we knew that in Judaism.

Tractate Berachot 3

For it has been taught: R. Eliezer says: The night has three watches...In the first watch, the ass brays; in the second, the dogs bark; in the third, the child sucks from the breast of his mother, and the woman talks with her husband.

Moreover, in this doctorate of Anat Kutner, The Night in the Late Middle Ages in Ashkenaz (in Hebrew), the 7th chapter describes in great detail sexual customs. From page 234 on there are discussions based on Halachic sources.

On page 250, Rav Aaron of Navorna is quoted in his Orchot Chayyim, p. 75, that the middle of the third watches of the night is conducive to sexual relations. This follows the Rambam, Deot 5:4

Although a man's wife is permitted to him at all times, it is fitting that a wise man behave with holiness. He should not frequent his wife like a rooster. Rather, [he should limit his relations to once a week] from Sabbath evening to Sabbath evening, if he has the physical stamina.

When he speaks with her, he should not do so at the beginning of the night, when he is sated and his belly [is] full, nor at the end of the night, when he is hungry; rather, in the middle of the night, when his food has been digested.

He should not be excessively lightheaded, nor should he talk obscene nonsense even in intimate conversation with his wife. Behold, the prophet has stated (Amos 4:13): "And He repeats to a man what he has spoken." [On this verse,] our Sages commented: A person will have to account for even the light conversation that he has with his wife.

[At the time of relations,] they should not be drunk, nor lackadaisical, nor tense - [neither both of them,] or [even] one of them. She should not be asleep, nor should the man take her by force, against her will. Rather, [the relations should take place] amidst their mutual consent and joy. He should converse and dally with her somewhat, so that she be relaxed. He should be intimate [with her] modestly and not boldly, and withdraw [from her] immediately.

This is repeated, curtly, at Issurei Bi'ah 21:10

It is the course of holy conduct to engage in relations in the middle of the night (In Hilchot Deot 5:4, the Rambam gives a rationale that at this time a person's food will have been digested and yet, he will not be overly hungry. The commentaries to Nedarim 20b explain that in this manner, the man and his wife will have forgotten all their daytime concerns and will be able to focus their attention on each other and the holiness of the experience).

The Shulchan Aruch Orach Hayyim 240:8 adds that it is best in the middle of the night so that he should not hear any other voice and come to impure thoughts.

So, hundreds of years before the 16th century, we knew what's best.

^

I Didn't Say It

“Many men who had anal sex with men before marriage want the same thing with their wives, because they don’t know anything else, this is one reason we need sex education in our schools.”

So, if Medad didn't say it, who did say it?

Wedad.

Wedad?

Her:



Yes she did:

Wedad Lootah, a Muslim and a native Emirati, who wears a full-length black niqab — with only her brown eyes showing through narrow slits — and sprinkles her conversation with quotes from the Koran, is the author of the book, “Top Secret: Sexual Guidance for Married Couples” and for eight years a marital counselor in Dubai’s main courthouse.

O Women of 'Palestine', Hear The Call! Act for Peace!

Here's an action plan:

Kenyan women's group tells men: Make war? No love

Thousands of Kenyan women vowed Wednesday to begin a weeklong sex strike to try to protest their country's bickering leadership, which they say threatens to revive the bloody chaos that convulsed the African country last year.

Leaders from Kenya's largest and oldest group dedicated to women's rights, the Women's Development Organization, said they hope the boycott will persuade men to pressure the government to make peace.

Eleven women's groups are participating in the strike. The groups have also called on the wives of President Mwai Kibaki and Prime Minister Raila Odinga to abstain. It was not clear how either wife responded to the request.

"We have looked at all issues which can bring people to talk and we have seen that sex is the answer," said Rukia Subow, chairman of the Women's Development Organization...Sex strikes are rare worldwide. Many men in Kenya are polygamous, as is allowed by law.

Hot Doings in...Bnei Brak

Ynet is reporting that the ultra-Orthodox community in Bnei Brak is in turmoil over the alleged extramarital affair between a Hasid, the father of several children, and a young, beautiful divorcee, who also happens to be the granddaughter of a very prominent rabbi.


The affair stirring up Bnei Brak

The young woman claims that the man presented himself to her as a bachelor, got her to sleep with him by promising to marry her and then simply vanished. She is now demanding that he pay her NIS 350,000 (some $89,000), or else she would reveal the affair to his wife.

The Hasid, in response, has already filed a motion for an injunction that would prevent her from claiming that they had an affair. He has also filed a NIS 100,000 (some $25,600) libel suit against the woman accusing her of slander.

According to the man, he and the woman have met several times at social gatherings, always in the presence of other people. He vehemently denies any sexual relations have taken place between them, and blames her of becoming obsessive about him, to the point of trying to sabotage his marriage.

Last week, he said, she started spreading "ugly rumors" about him in the streets of Bnei Brak, rumors that jeopardize his marriage and are detrimental to his reputation.

The court rejected the man's motion for an injunction and has given the woman a week to respond to his allegations against her.

Tefillin? It's Dishes Now

When I was much younger, the code word was "tefillin date".

Now, it's dishes, I infer:-

In New York City, Yoshie Fruchter and his girlfriend, Leah Koenig, still wrestle with their dietary differences after almost two years together. He is kosher and she is vegetarian. They eat vegetarian meals at her apartment, where he keeps his own set of dishes and utensils. When eating out they mostly go to kosher restaurants, although they “aren’t known for inspired cuisine,” said Ms. Koenig, 25, who works for a nonprofit environmental group.

Though the couple occasionally visit nonkosher restaurants, Mr. Fruchter, 26, a musician, said he has to order carefully to avoid violating kosher rules. “We’re still figuring out how this is going to work,” he said. “We’re both making sacrifices, which is what you do when you’re in love.”

Like Far Rockaway Boardwalk in the early 1960s

The Town Crier sent me here - ‘Yeshiva Break’: Do You Know Where Your Children Were?

Alisha Abboudi and Debbi Frankel from Philadelphia write about their experiences.

We flew down with our teenage daughters [to Miami Beach] who attend co-ed camps, watch TV and movies, and seem connected to their iPods...During several late-night walks we saw hundreds of Jewish teenagers in groups large and small roaming Collins Avenue, the boardwalk and several hotels, drinking and smoking, completely entranced with the goal of getting “high” and intoxicated beyond belief.

The girls, aged 15-18, were so scantily clad that bathing suits would have covered up more. Nothing they possessed was left for the imagination. Thin figured or full, they wore outfits that seemed to say, “I’m here! Come and get me!” The boys dressed in jeans, T-shirts or shorts may have looked fine, but they huddled in groups, beer cans in hand and cigarettes and matches at the ready.

The interaction between the girls and boys was grotesque...As we observed the scene, we had one question in mind: Where were the parents of these youngsters? Where were they when their daughters exploited themselves, when their little girls were urinating on themselves because they were so drunk their legs gave out, when their sons drank so much they flung themselves over boardwalk railings and exposed themselves?

Why did parents trust that a week at bubbe and zeyde’s condo without their supervision was permissible? Why did it seem we were the only two parents in Miami Beach that week? Among the throngs of unsupervised teenagers, that’s exactly what it felt like.

...The week was not without tragedy. A 15-year-old boy from New York died under a cloud of mystery. But anyone who witnesses the raucous behavior of the annual scene realizes it is a recipe for disaster.

...These precious lives need guidance, love and stability. As parents, we bring our beautiful children into this world. They are precious as infants, adorable as toddlers and then, before you know it, they are teenagers. Mouths get bigger, opinions get louder, altercations are a daily occurrence; the tide shifts and parental authority is suddenly in question. Does this mean we throw up our hands and say, “Ah, he’s just a teenager; it’s just a phase,” or, “She’ll outgrow it”?

Rather, it’s our job to speak to our children and hear them as well, to teach them right and wrong, and most of all, show them we are there for them always. Shame on those parents who allow their children a “fun” week in the sun and sand without supervision! Vacation for them does not mean vacation from them.

Go ahead and ask them. Find out exactly what they were up to when they called to tell you what a “blast” they were having. Even if they were clean and sober, they saw plenty. Make them talk to you. Make them listen.

Be a parent.

Well, no weeds but I seem to recall Far Rockaway in New York in the early 1960s being quite similar. The boardwalk from high 60s down to 19th. In fact, the non-Jewish boys used to wear "mezuzot" pendants to get in on the action.

But, of course, parents cannot shake their responsibility of supervision.