Showing posts with label Purim spoof. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Purim spoof. Show all posts

Sunday, March 20, 2011

More Purim Humor II

...Chazal have often contemplated the deeper meaning hidden within Megillas Esther, the text that details the story of Purim. Why, they ask, is the name of the Reboinoisheloilum not mentioned throughout the Megillah, while in contrast, Haman Harasha's name is mentioned so many times that people bang their heads against the wall?

According to the RASHBAM, the Aimishteh refused to have his name attached to the story since he was repelled by the Machiavellian activities of Klal Yisroel throughout the entire episode. Such actions include:

-- Mordechai saves the life of the king and doesn't even collect a cash reward (What's pshat with that?)

-- Esther curries the favor of the king by taking hold of his extended staff

-- Esther hosts a dinner for Achashveiroish and Haman, serving bottled water without a proper Hashgacha

-- Once victory is achieved, Klal Yisroel doesn't stop until they have murdered Haman's allies, hanged his sons, and raped his horses.

Says the RASHBAM, Hakkadoshboruchhu didn't want to be associated with any of those activities as He was still trying to live down the bad press from the whole Ten Plagues thing.

The RITVA disagrees, however, noting that the RASHBAM dropped too much Bsomim when he was in college and was prone to flashbacks while in the Bais Medrish. The RITVA suggests that the reason the Reboinoisheloilum is not mentioned in Megillas Esther is simply because the Megillah is not based on a historical, Jewish story. Noting the similarity of the names of Mordechai and Esther to the Persian deity names of Marduk and Ishtar, the RITVA proposes that Purim was actually adapted from a pagan Persian festival where Persians would traditionally exchange gifts of food, wear silly three-cornered hats, and drink heavily and then kill their wives and replace them with younger women.

But the Toldois Aharoin disagrees with both the RASHBAM and the RITVA. The Toldois Aharoin offers that the Melech Malchei HaMelachim didn't want his name included since He was completely upset by the fact that no one could ever get His name right. He cites a beautiful discussion from the Zoihar: Rabbi Shimon Bar Yoichai, sitting around a campfire with his followers, tells them that one must try to know the Ain Sof, the unknowable aspect of the Omnipresent, by giving it a name. "What would YOU call the Ain Sof?" he asks each of his followers,

One follower responds "Rebbe, I would call Him 'Fred' because that is a name I can relate to, since I once had a dog named Fred, and a dog is man's best friend.". Another follower says, "I will call Him 'Phil', because the Jewish People have a Bris with the Ain Sof, and that is what I nicknamed my Bris Milah when I was sixteen years old." And so they went around the circle.

When the last of the followers had spoken, Rebbe Shimon addressed them. "You idiots," he said, "you cannot give the Ain Sof a proper name! He is unknowable. I can't believe I spend 13 years in a freaking cave just to teach schmucks like you!" When Rabbi Shimon calmed down, he told them that the Ain Sof should be called the Aibishter, meaning in Yiddish "The One On High" since, according to Rabbi Shimon, "as He is unknowable, one would have to be high to think you can know him".

As the Rebbe's talmidim nodded in agreement, Rabbi Akiva joined the group. Upon hearing the topic, he began to berate Rabbi Shimon."You would call the Ain Sof 'Aibishter'?" Rabbi Akiva asked. "Everyone knows that He should be called 'Aimishteh', which means in Aramaic 'Where is He when you really need Him?"

Says the Toldois Aharoin, as Hakadoshboruchhu was annoyed with the whole discussion, so he decided to adopt a low profile in the Megillah.

I, the RAPAS, would like to offer a new answer to this question. The Rebboinoisheloilum's name is obscured from the Megillah so that Klal Yisroel would know that sometimes we have to solve our own problems. We cannot rely on a deus ex machina, an external solution, heavenly or otherwise, to resolve the most challenging issues of our day. We must use our own intelligence and creativity to devise and implement our best alternatives.

Take for example the issue of peace between Klal Yisroel and the Arab world. Some would say that we should give up all of the West Bank in exchange for peace. Others would say that we should not give up one inch. I would like to humbly suggest that in exchange for real peace, we should be prepared to make sacrifices, even painful ones. However, it should be clear to all sides that not everyone will get what they want. But in the spirit of compromise, I am certain that we can reach a creative understanding. Consequently, while I am not certain what we should do with the West Bank, in exchange for real peace we should give Brooklyn to the Palestinians. And if calm prevails there, we can talk later about giving back other territories including the Five Towns, Teaneck, and Miami Beach.

Ah Freilechin Yuntif, You Minuval
----
Rabbi Pinky Schmeckelstein
Rosheshiva
Yeshiva Chipas Emmess

=====

Friday, March 21, 2008

Jewish Week's Purim Spoof

Here.

Purim 08: 33 Ultra-Orthodox Rabbis Ban Purim
Purim '08: Israel At 60 - Medical Report
Purim '08: Beatles To Sing In Israel
Purim '08: Spitzer Offered Post As President Of Israel
Purim '08: UJA Completes Strategic 'Sweep'
Purim '08: Another Coup For Rosen
Purim '08: Lynne Spears Joins Rabbis in 'Yeshiva Week' Warning
Purim '08: Conservative Movement Split Over Unity Agreement
Purim '08: Ex-CIA Director Proposes Creative Ceasefire
Purim '08: Waterboarding May Be Kosher, Mukasey Insists
Purim '08: Rabbinical Writers Guild Strike Continues
Purim '08: Renewed Hope For Israeli Baseball
Purim '08: Too Many Jewish Groups? New One Formed To Study Problem
Purim '08: Rabbis Announce Choice For President
Purim '08: Rabbis Arrested In Money Laundering Scam
Purim '08: Hamas Recognized Israel

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Plaut's Purim Spoof

Steve wrote me:

Life in Israel is often stranger than parody. As you know, I often post sarcastic spoof pieces to make fun of the Far Left and of the Israeli government. I usually assume that everyone will understand that the piece is a spoof. Sometimes though people take the sarcastic piece literally (it happened when I wrote that Israel had arrested Salman Rushdie for offending Islam, and in a few other instances).

Well, there are two far-leftist faculty members at my school, the University of Haifa, who fill up the professors' chat board with their anti-Israel spam postings. They are also very abusive. One, let us call him ML, demanded that I be forced to resign for insulting Neve Gordon and called me a bowel movement in two distinct languages on the list. The other, let us call him YY, denounced me for being a fascist, a mad dog, and (gulp) homophobic. Both regularly participate in pro-terror anti-Israel protests (mainly with the Arab students) on the campus.

Saturday night I posted the following posting:

To: segel-plus@list.haifa.ac.il
Sent: Saturday, March 08, 2008 9:17 PM
Subject: [Segel-plus] Big Protest Planned Monday


You are all invited to join ML and YY, together with the campus chapter of HADASH and Taayoush-North, to attend the University of Haifa campus protest planned for Monday that will mourn the untimely tragic death of the East Jerusalem Palestinian protester Alaa Abu Dhein, who was gunned down for no reason after entering the Merkaz Harav Yeshiva this past Thursday, without so much as a Miranda warning. The Palestinian was protesting occupation and Israel's homophobic clericalist bigotry when he was set upon by a group of religious settlers for no reason at all and murdered in cold blood in the library of the yeshiva, which sits in Kiryat Moshe on occupied Palestinian land. ML and YY have asked campus officials to lower flags to half mast in honor of the martyred Palestinian protester.

So all lovers of peace should attend the Monday protest with Hadash and Taayoush.

Bring your own Hamas flags

***

That would have been the end of it, except that someone from the list leaked it to the outside. I have been getting hysterical phone calls and emails all morning from University officials. It seems that many irate phone calls are coming in to express outrage at the planned pro-terror protest. Zionist student leaders were mobilizing to confront the pro-terror protesters. Some politicians called the university in outrage. Even the Chief Rabbi called in to protest.

Strangely no one noticed it is Adar Bet and close to Purim.

So to set the record straight, the posting was a spoof. But it is a sad commentary on the nature of Israel's Far Left that so many people actually believed the posting was for real. The gap between parody and reality keeps narrowing!