Dealing With Mel G. in Yiddish

Mel, Bubelah, Can We Talk?
Commentary By Diana Sevanian

Dear Mel, Oy! What a tsimmis (big fuss) you've made here.

First, the Sheriff's Department stops you on Pacific Coast Highway last week for driving schikered (drunk). Then you go ballistic on the deputies with your meshuganeh (crazy) outburst, filled with anti-Semitic schmutz (filth) and pompous declarations of how your megabucks and star power deem you the No. 1 big macher (big shot) proprietor of Malibu. So much for Jews "owning the corner" on wealth, arrogance and dominion.

Obviously, this whole magillah (convoluted mess) has given you and your PR pals much tsuris (troubles) to deal with, especially since you've just alienated yourself from Jews who sign big Hollywood contracts.

You have also, overnight, become bupkis (nothing; literally beans or goat droppings) to many Jewish and non-Jewish moviegoers who had faithfully been your fans.

FYI: Given the global scourge of anti-Semitism and current combat in the Middle East, we needed this stuch (stab) like we need a luch en kupp (hole in the head).

Nisht gut.

Nisht gut at all.

So, Mr. Gibson. Nu? (Wassup?) What will you do now to lessen the damages and shander (disgrace) you've created? And how will you get help with your drinking -- and thinking - disorder?

Let's take inventory of your mishegoss (insane situation) ameliorations thus far:

You've entered rehab to work on your battle with the bottle.

You've collectively apologized to Jews for saying all those despicable things about them that you "didn't really mean to say."

You've even gone so far as to appeal to the Jewish community to help you in your "path to healing."

OK. You've got a plan. Mazel tov! Congratulations!)

I applaud your decision to confront the demons you've been battling your entire adult life. My hope is that your admission papers were signed by Mel Gibson, the man, not Mel Gibson, the actor.

On your explanation of those fercockta (crappy) anti-Semitic comments not being of your true core --but instead, your Tequila - I have this to say: Feh! (Something stinks here).

You, with your penchant for using ancient language in films, clearly need a reminder of that old Latin expression: "In Vino Veritas" ("In wine there is truth"). I definitely feel you meant those deep-dwelling Jew-hating invectives; the liquor just helped them bubble to the surface.

With regard to your arms seeking hugs from Jews, know that many may not be so ferklempt (choked with emotion) at this suggestion. Actually, some have already said, "Kush meer in toches." (Kiss my ass).

After all, these are the same folks you said are the cause of all the wars in the world.

They're the same group that lost 6 million in a Holocaust your anti-Semitic father Hutton Gibson denies existed. According to Pops, there wasn't even enough gas available to snuff 'em all out; they just "got up" and went to other countries. He has also said that Jews and Mormons want to take over the Catholic Church, and that Jews were behind the Sept. 11 terrorist attack, not al-Qaida. What an imagination that alta cocker (old geezer) father of yours has.

These are the folks your non-mainstream Catholic brethren still hold as responsible for killing Christ.

The same Hebrew descendants that, while you say you have nothing against them, were --ironically? - depicted in your 2004 blockbuster, "The Passion of the Christ" as hook-nosed, bad-teethed, black-eyed evil conspirators with demon-faced kinder (children). Let's also not ignore that in "Passion" the presence of a wickedly androgenous, Aramaic-speaking devil always appeared within the frenzy of a wild Jewish mob.

These are the same "chosen people" who have been persecuted and enslaved for
generations, stripped of professions and possessions, driven from their shtetls (communities), gassed, shot, some even used for unimaginably sadistic Nazi
experiments - all because of their religion.

They are also the same fathers and mothers who weep when the children of their enemies are killed, the same enemy that rejoices at Jewish children being
slaughtered via cold-blooded suicide bombings.

Mr. Oscar-winning Filmmaker, something is really wrong with this picture.

Speaking of movies. Numerous people, including you, have expressed resentment toward Jews for "owning Hollywood." The fact is, Jews were central in creating Hollywood! Do the names Goldwyn, Mayer, Fox, Laemmle, Zukor and the Warner brothers ring a bell?

Ironically, many of these talented Jewish former immigrants developed the business because it was impossible for them to find other work due to religious prejudice.

Why should any person - Jew, gentile, black, white, Hispanic, Asian or anything else - be chastised for realizing the fruits of their hard work, great imagination, education and business acumen?

The unmitigated inhumanity and narrow-mindedness of it all makes me want to geshrey (scream), but my heart remains hopeful that minds will change.

Alevai (it should only happen).

OK, Mr. Mel Gibson. You want to make nice.

If you're sincere in your apologies and desire to get help, then count me as one Jew who forgives and supports you.

Of the many sayings central to my heritage, there's one that truly applies here. It states: Never kvell (take pride or delight) in another person's sorrow. And you, Mel, even with all your gelt (money) and power and movie-making magic, are a person who is suffering and in need of rachmones (sympathy).

Why do I offer this? Two reasons: First, I believe that being raised by a parent seized with hatred and bigotry can lead to becoming a farbissen (crippled by bitterness), fermished (confused) and farchadat (dysfunctional) adult.

Anne Frank, that eloquent German-born Jewish girl who died in the Holocaust -- the one that really happened - said of our upbringings and resultant values: "The final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands."

I think you get my drift and I wish you koyech (strength) in your journey.

Second, forgiveness is the kosher (legitimate) thing to do. We're all human and we all act like schtunks (lousy persons) sometimes. Besides, the seychel (wisdom) of my elders reminds me that we cannot expect to ever see peace in the Middle East if we cannot forgive and understand our brothers and sisters here at home.

In closing, Mel, please know that your use of old languages in films stirred me to do the same here. Hence, all of this Yiddish, the Mama loeschen (mother tongue) of my ancestors.

Besides, if you make good on your pledges AND pick up a few of these haimishe (homey, familiar) words, you'll have so much more to chat about when other members of my tribe come to schmooze (visit, heart-to-heart talk).

Such a deal, right?

Shalom, and a gezunt ahf dein kop (good health on your head),

Diana Sevanian

Diana Sevanian lives in Stevenson Ranch. Her column reflects her own views,
and not necessarily those of The Signal.
_____

If Mel Gibson really wants to seek forgiveness from the Jews, he needs to
start with a public circumcision.

Joy Behar - the View

(Kippah tip: Chana G.>)